Math Is Fun Forum

Jai Ganesh

Administrator

Registered: 2005-06-28

Posts: 48,427

Courtroom extracts

Amazingly real extracts from Courtrooms

"Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
"The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
"No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

* * *

"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

* * *

"Did he kill you?"

* * *

"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
"All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

* * *

"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

* * *

"How many times have you committed suicide?"

* * *

"How was your first marriage terminated?"
"By death."
"And by whose death was it terminated?"

* * *

"Can you describe the individual?"
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
"Was this a male, or a female?"

* * *

"Were you present when your picture was taken?"

* * *

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

* * *

"Could you see him from where you were standing? "
"I could see his head."
"And where was his head?"
"Just above his shoulders."

* * *

"...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
"The victim lived."

* * *

"What happened then?"
"He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
"Did he kill you?"
"No."

* * *

"Are you married? "
"No, I'm divorced."
"And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
"A lot of things I didn't know about."

* * *

"Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
"No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

* * *

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It appears to me that if one wants to make progress in mathematics, one should study the masters and not the pupils. - Niels Henrik Abel.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

MathsIsFun

Administrator

Registered: 2005-01-21

Posts: 7,713

Re: Courtroom extracts

Wonderful Stuff!

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"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

insomnia

Real Member

Registered: 2005-03-23

Posts: 944

Re: Courtroom extracts

Excellence at it's best!

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Friends are angels who lift our feet when our own wings have trouble remembering how to fly

darthradius

Member

Registered: 2005-11-28

Posts: 97

Re: Courtroom extracts

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.
                                                             -Bertrand Russell

Devantè

Real Member

Registered: 2006-07-14

Posts: 6,400

Re: Courtroom extracts

Funny stuff. Alas, some people are idiots...

Last edited by Devanté (2006-08-27 07:00:20)

Zhylliolom

Real Member

Registered: 2005-09-05

Posts: 412

Re: Courtroom extracts

Mein Gott, es gibt ein gute Sammlung von Witze hier! Schöne.

Devantè

Real Member

Registered: 2006-07-14

Posts: 6,400

Re: Courtroom extracts

Es ist erstaunlich, wie gut die Witze hier erhalten. Obgleich sie mich Lachen aus loud nicht (gut, bildet nichts mich Lachen aus loud...), bilden, sind sie noch hübsches gutes. Etwas gut, herauf meinen Tag zu erhellen. Wir sind, also glücklich haben wir Mitglieder, die von solcher Stimmung... lassen uns ihr Wissen, hehe stehlen... wissen

Entschuldigungen für die schlechte deutsche Sprache, kann ich nicht sie zu gut sprechen.

Zhylliolom

Real Member

Registered: 2005-09-05

Posts: 412

Re: Courtroom extracts

Dein Deutsch ist lächerlich.

Devantè

Real Member

Registered: 2006-07-14

Posts: 6,400

Re: Courtroom extracts

Я знаю - но о моем русском? Я надеюсь я хорош на ем - я не изучаю его очень, однако.

Ricky

Moderator

Registered: 2005-12-04

Posts: 3,791

Re: Courtroom extracts

English only

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"In the real world, this would be a problem.  But in mathematics, we can just define a place where this problem doesn't exist.  So we'll go ahead and do that now..."

Devantè

Real Member

Registered: 2006-07-14

Posts: 6,400

Re: Courtroom extracts

I admit I used altavista's babelfish..